‘The Pyramid’ and ‘Dumb and Dumber To’

By on December 10, 2014

Welcome to what some call the dead zone, the movie industry’s moniker for the weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas releases. Why is it dead? Well, because jockeying for position in the box office rankings is hard, having to go up against production companies’ biggest films — “Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1,” “Big Hero 6,” “The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies,” “Into the Woods,” and “Annie.”

This is the time when companies release their stinkers after having already sunk money into the film and now hope to recoup some cash from a film they know is bad. A great example of this is “The Pyramid,” which barely cracked the box office top ten on its opening weekend by pulling in a measly (by industry standards) $1.3 million.

But, what am I to do? I have to see something. “The Pyramid” is the story of a father-daughter archeological team who find what seems to be the oldest pyramid known to man. Holden (Denis O’Hare, “American Horror Story,” “True Blood”), an old school tomb raiding type, battles with his daughter Nora (Ashley Hinshaw, also on “True Blood”) who uses modern satellite technology to unearth the mysteries of the world.

“The Pyramid” tries to be a pseudo-documentary by incorporating an element of independent filmmakers following Holden and Nora who are in Egypt during the (real) height of recent political unrest. When they are forced to abandon their (fake) dig Holden and Nora decided to quickly test the boundaries of the Egyptian military and send a robotic rover into a recently discovered access shaft (which, for no apparent reason, we learn was dug by the Freemasons; maybe writers Daniel Meersand and Nick Simon want to be the next Dan Brown). When it mysteriously goes offline after showing haunting images, the crew decides, of course, to quickly go in after the multi-million dollar piece of equipment.

As easily expected, once inside things go haywire. The robotics engineer is crushed by a falling rock and then devoured alive by feral cat-rats who dwell inside the pyramid. The documentary filmmaker is impaled on spikes (and almost eaten alive by cat-rats). But, the cat-rats and traps are not the worst enemy the team will face. Lurking in the shadows is something more ominous — Anubis. Yes, that’s right, the jackal-headed Egyptian god of the afterlife is running rampant in the walls of an ancient pyramid still determined to rip the hearts out of all he faces and weigh their souls for the spirit world. As the carcasses mount, it becomes clear most of the gang on this expedition are not worthy of the afterlife.

The ending leaves the viewer hanging in suspense, but after sitting through 89 minutes of bad acting and worse writing I could care less. The empty theater I was in didn’t care either. I expect “The Pyramid” to show in many empty theaters before it is ripped from the digital Rolodex and tossed into the pile of completely worthless films.

 

Jim Carrey (left) and Jeff Daniels are back as Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunne in the long-awaited sequel to “Dumb and Dumber.” According to our favorite film critic, it’s the unfunniest comedy he’s ever seen. (Photo courtesy of athenacinema.com)

Jim Carrey (left) and Jeff Daniels are back as Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunne in the long-awaited sequel to “Dumb and Dumber.” According to our favorite film critic, it’s the unfunniest comedy he’s ever seen. (Photo courtesy of athenacinema.com)

‘Dumb and Dumber To’

There are a bunch of adages I can use here. Let a sleeping dog lie. If it isn’t broke, don’t fix it. I was taking a laissez faire stance on “Dumb and Dumber To,” the rebirth of Lloyd Christmas (Jim Carrey) and Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels), simply because I had no interest in the movie. I assumed it was bad. Then, a few friends told me how bad it was and I had to go see this train wreck for myself. Holy cats! This movie is terrible. It is probably the first comedy at which I never laughed.

I refuse to waste any more column space on another bad movie. Save your cash and wait to see “The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies” when it opens on Dec. 16 or go see “Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1” for a second time.

Agree or disagree? Reel Reviews works like this: 1) Watch a movie; 2) Send suggestions, comments and criticism to Michael at SomeProMCU@gmail.com.

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